Your Kid Is Limitless (If You Believe They Are)
8 principles for parents to live by.
Most parents love their kids. Fewer believe in them. What many parents don’t realize is that kids will grow or shrink to fit the mold we create for them. If you believe your kid is strong, smart, bold, successful — they will rise to the challenge. But if you believe your kid has limits, they will shrink to fit your expectations.
This psychological phenomenon is called the Pygmalion Effect. It’s coined after the Greek myth of Pygmalion, a sculptor who fell in love with a statue he carved, which later came to life — symbolizing how belief can shape reality. In 1968, the Pygmalion Effect was officially brought to life in education. Psychologists Robert Rosenthal and Lenore Jacobson conducted a study where teachers were told certain students in the classroom were expected to show intellectual growth. The students (randomly selected) ended up actually performing better than their classmates — all because of their teacher’s elevated expectations.
I don’t think we realize how powerful the Pygmalion Effect is. When you believe in your kids’ potential — truly believe in them — they will internalize these beliefs and rise to the occasion. On the other hand, low expectations can diminish their confidence and performance, resulting in their tendency to shrink to fit the mold. It starts with language. “He’s not great with numbers.” “She’s more of a creative type.” “That’s not really her thing.” These casual phrases become deeply embedded self-identifiers. That can be a harmful thing. (Or, an amazing thing, depending on how we use it!)
If you want to intentionally raise the ceiling for your kids, here are eight “rules to live by” I always share with Alpha parents. It’s not enough for Alpha parents to memorize these concepts; they need to believe in them. When they do, so will their kids. And the same goes for you.
1. Students are limitless.
“I believe that my child is limitless, regardless of what they may or may not have achieved as of today. I will challenge my own beliefs of what my child can and can't do, and I will help them develop a growth mindset. I will also encourage them to add "yet" when they say they cannot do or are not good at something.”
2. Learning is self-driven.
“I will support my child's academic and life skill endeavors, but I will not solve them on their behalf. I will help them learn how to take ownership of their own learning and to solve problems on their own. I will also encourage them to make decisions about their education that align with their interests and passions.”
3. Failure is your coach.
“I understand Alpha embodies the same open mindset toward failure for itself that it does for students. I believe that failure is a necessary part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth. I will support my child through failure and help them learn from their mistakes.”
4. Change will not change.
“I understand that change is a part of life. I will embrace change and see it as an opportunity for growth. I will also help my child understand that change is a normal part of life and that it can be a positive thing.”
5. The rigor is real.
“I understand that Alpha has high academic standards and will not attempt to lower these standards for my child. I will support my child and trust them to overcome challenges that I may have thought suited for people with much more life experience or education. I will also help them understand the value of high standards and how they can help them achieve their full potential.”
6. Motivation leads to mastery.
“Motivation is essential for learning and emotional and motivational support from Alpha Guides are the foundation of our program and partners to our parents. I will support my child's motivation and help them find what motivates them. I will also help them develop strategies for staying motivated when they are faced with challenges.”
7. Privileges are earned.
“I understand that privileges (including free time, autonomy, and extrinsic rewards) are earned through responsible behavior and academic achievement. I will support my child by helping them develop good habits and by setting clear expectations leading to the development of their intrinsic belief of their own ability.”
8. Feedback is fuel.
“Feedback given with an honest intent to help is always appreciated, listened to, and is essential to learning. I will encourage my child to be open to feedback and to use it to learn and grow their perspectives.”
The world will tell your child, again and again, what they cannot do. Your kids don’t need you to join in on that chorus. Instead, they need you to strip away those shackles, to be the support system hoisting them up, to be the voice in their head affirming their identity and reminding them they are limitless.
I know parents do not mean to build cages around their kids. In fact, they often think they’re building shelters. But every time we say, "That's not really her thing," or "He's not that type of student," we are, quite literally, building their reality around them.
So — believe in your kids’ potential! Let them own their learning. Welcome failure as a teacher. Embrace change with open arms. Don’t just support your kid; become who you want them to be. (If we aren’t willing to grow, how can we ask them to?)
If you want to learn more about our schools, or you’re interested in enrolling your child, check this out.
Mackenzie I’ve loved reading your work and this one in particular resonated with me. Very lovely sentiment that resonates deeply with me, as someone who’s trying to live these principles with my own children but also build a school founded on many of the ideas you’ve captured here. Thank you for what you’re putting out in the world, it’s much needed!